The other day as I made my morning coffee in the office kitchen, a colleague and I were having a very serious discussion about “The appropriate age to settle down”. I stirred in my sugar as he tried to convince me to start my pursuit for a lifetime partner. His argument was that I should find my Mr. Right right away, so that we could begin building our friendship. I was to be a married off baby making machine by thirty; if his advice was anything to go by.

Then the Classic FM morning show by Maina and Kengangi someday last week, had an interesting topic of discussion on how desperate the thirty-something single women are considered! After a host of lovers who all never lived up to her expectations, her dating life now revolves around old married and unmarried men who take care of her and her single child. A child she got from one of her previous unsuccessful relationships. She spends her days going through the social media pages of former lovers whom she ended things with for one reason or another. The men she thought to be immature, impatient and unkind with little or no aspirations in life are now happily married fathers with efficacious career accomplishments to boot. How she wished she could not have been so quick to judge their inhibitions.

So I started thinking about this thirty year old lady complex that is gripping the nation and realized that happiness really depends on Sheer Luck. The choice to fall for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now rests solely on you. If you choose to go with Mr. Right, then you have to be a patient lady always saying no to most men because you are looking for something very specific. Knowing that many years could go by without you finding what you are looking for in a partner is not an easy pill to swallow. Most married couples I interact with are always schooling me on the fact that no one is perfect. Their happiness came from learning how to co-exist over the years and reaching a point that none of their partner’s actions shock them. Patience and understanding are their shield and sword. So if you have to learn to adapt to your partner, there surely can’t be such a thing as Mr. Right, right?

So you opt to go for Mr. Right Now, this is also a gamble as you may ultimately be missing out on “the greatest love story ever” citing convenience. You may have not seen a future with this man, but you know the clock is ticking and you have to get a move on your life. He made his intentions clear when he offered you a non-committal relationship but the years have gone by and you start prompting this player to make a loyal woman out of you. This works for some but there’s always that nagging sensation when you know you settled for second best.

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So I ask, how does one know which man to go for? Should women now become more aggressive and seek out the men they are interested in? I live by the rule that if you have to ask a guy out then he wasn’t that into you to begin with. Let’s face it; there is a very small percentage of men who would turn down a woman because they do not share mutual feelings. Most will accept the courtship, use or abuse you and leave. So if this is life; I’m even more confused than I was when I started writing this!

 

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