When you embark on a creative journey, no one tells you how bumpy the road can get. I started this blog with all the positivism of a first day at school but I have to admit it does get trying at times. So here we are, you the reader and I the writer and I’m meant to captivate you and leave you with a new notion you’d never even heard of, but the truth is I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE IT.
Please don’t get me wrong I enjoy writing about the queer thoughts in my head and I can’t wait to see where this journey will take me, but today five posts in, I have never been so blank! December 1st 2016 is the first day I’m back at the office after a short illness, and I couldn’t be happier.
I spent the past week at home shooting out of both ends of my body (a result of a bad date coupled with even worse food). As if that was not enough to isolate me, my phone-my near and dear whom I hold closer than some actual friends, gave up on me and wasn’t working for reasons unknown to me. (I will never admit to dropping it, DAMN THESE BABY HANDS!) I was trapped in bed feeling under the weather and no phone or means to communicate what I was going through to the world i.e my friends.
The brain goes to some very dark places when put under intense pressure and mine kept wondering about death. Since it felt like I was in my death bed I kept wondering if this was it, where were all the so called friends. Why wasn’t anybody concerned as to why they couldn’t reach me or hadn’t seen me around. That day passed and funnily the addiction to my phone waned, I was actually enjoying my own company and not crying about it. I was what my Whats-app Status perpetuated constantly “ZEN”. Yes I was still sick and on the way to recovery, but I was also at peace with the situation I was in and felt very comfortable by myself.
We all have those moments when we feel like the world is closing in on us and we can’t accommodate the pressure we are under. My situation may vary greatly from yours and the problems you are facing could seem like a mountain compared to mine, but you know what? We share a common resolve! In the end patience and practicality solve many a problem.
Advice:- Take a second and breath when you feel like the world is closing in. We should all foster the habit of breathing through our tensions. We keep composure and before you know it, BAM…Resolve! Most times the problems we are going through are so minute but we build them up so much in our minds we end up giving up. All we need to do is begin by taking a deep breath, and thinking critically. Take a moment to speak to your Maker because there is no problem He can never fix. In the end with a slow but sure approach you will give all you can and either make it or break it. If you inevitably fail, a question my close friend Thobi always asks me “But did you die?!” This always makes me wanna kill her by the way; but the truth is, I didn’t die!
I started writing this without a thought as to what it would end up about because as I’d said I was BLANK, but look here I encouraged you and everything! Pat on my back! Back to work today and I feel refreshed but I am also grateful for the week away. Though I was sick, I learnt a lot about myself and those around me too. I came to find out that a ton of people had called my phone and left messages too. Most people called my mother to ask about me and some visited me at home. My good friend Louiza had also visited my office to enquire about me; I got that message from the administrative desk as the day began.
It felt so good to find out that people actually did look for me although I thought they hadn’t. Though the fears I’d had that no one would attend my funeral were long dead, (pun intended) it was just an added relief knowing that people actually cared enough about me to worry about my absence. An important person in my life who did not search for me however is my Ex-Boyfriend; seeing as he doesn’t know he is an ex yet I have a very important phone call to make, excuse me….
As the world celebrates today as World AIDS Day, remember that there is still no cure so we need to wrap it up, be more emphatic (no you can’t get HIV/AIDS from a kiss), and always seek to know your status. With treatment those ailing can live long fruitful lives.