How do we know when we are in the wrong? Do we also know enough to apologize when we are wrong? Are we accepting of the fact that we are not perfect and that as humans we make mistakes? When we realize our error are we quick to apologize and in a sincere fashion?

Call it personal principle but growing up I learnt a long time ago that when you wrong someone you had to apologize in order for the other party to grant you forgiveness. I also learnt that when you wrong someone especially someone you love, it was always wise to apologize even before the one you wronged asked for an apology or even realized you had wronged them.

The guilt of wronging someone would dig at me so much I would find myself teary eyed as I issued most of my apologies because I grew up learning the amount of hurt it could cause when you wronged someone but never apologized.

Many last born children can agree with me, especially those with more than four siblings, that growing up with older siblings could at times feel like you had many parents to revere. I grew up with five older siblings and can honestly testify that my emotions just didn’t count as much as they would have if my parents didn’t have enough children to worry about. It is normal for children to argue and fight and not as much attention was paid to the apology and forgiveness part of the squabbles as compared to the peaceful resolve part. Being the runt of the family, I could count on one hand the number of apologies I have received for a wrong doing but this in turn taught me the essence of apologies and just how important they were when it came to self-worth issues.

Perhaps this is why I take to apologies more than those around me. From friends to partners, I never let a wrong doing go unanswered as a result of feeling insignificant. Woe to my boyfriend because he always has too much to answer for; even a missed call must be accounted for.

Polite is as polite does and in this respect we can’t expect to walk around smug with happiness because everyone cares for our feelings yet we could give a crap about everyone else’s feelings too.  Most people today have adopted this nonchalant way of apologizing saying “I’m sorry if…” or “I’m sorry but…” that are ways to begin a NON-APOLOGY. These are half assed apologies that are simply meant to shut the offended party up. Most times people who give apologies that start this way are either trying to save their ego or they simply don’t really care that much about other people’s feelings.

I refuse to accept half-assed apologies because I love myself too much to continue being hurt be it by a friend or relative. We all have the right to demand proper apologies and when they don’t come we should be grown enough to accept that that person genuinely doesn’t care or takes your emotions for granted. Unless I see remorse you can DAMN WELL be sure that any deep emotions we share, FRIENDSHIP OR OTHERWISE, will be on hold until a proper apology is delivered. Is this asking for too much from anyone, I THINK NOT!

 

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