Whenever I’m having girl chat time with my girls and I bring up the issue of dating someone of a higher level than you, for some strange reason it always sounds like a foreign concept to them. I thought to myself, if I ever started a blog this would be the first issue I would write about because I know so many people who are suffering in silence as a result of this concept. So as I begin to school you, do you know about the Reacher and the Settler concept?
If your answer was NO, don’t worry that’s why I’m here. Healthy relationships normally have two parties and this concept is defined by one member of the party being the Reacher and the other the Settler. From what I’ve observed about this concept, serious relationships in which the lady is the settler and the man the reacher rarely crumble as both parties feel satisfied by their situation.
The definition of the terms is based solely on appearance as that’s the first thing one notice about their partner to alight a sexual interest in them. A reacher is someone dating a person who is higher on the hotness scale than them. As a man don’t you want to be with a woman who looks better than you? Your woman is a portrayal of you and how she takes care of herself and her overall presentation is what leads those who interact with her to know that whoever is with her takes good care of her. It’s been this way since the ice age, don’t you find yourself looking at the kids playing in your neighborhood and think the dirty kid’s mum probably didn’t care enough if their kid is covered in snot and mud from head to toe.
The settler on the other hand is the one who dates someone less hot than them because they appreciate the person as they are. This gives the additional advantage that it is highly unlikely that they would ever go roaming, as a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. The thing is the settler should always be the lady because truth is if you gave an average man a woman who is more average than he, if he was considering a serious relationship at the moment he would do really anything to keep her as he would appreciate the fact that it could be a once in a lifetime opportunity. It is weirdly the same mentality that sponsors use to get the “Litu Things” they get to spend their money on to maintain their interest and at the end of the day get to bring impressionable young ladies into their beds.
So at the end of the day what next when you’re a guy who’s a reacher and your mama is a settler? The next thing that counts is what level both of you are on in life and more so what goals you both have set for your futures. Think about it, are you affected as a woman when you start dating a man working as a janitor and you are a bank teller? You actually are and don’t bother lie to yourself anymore. I know most men reading this are probably thinking this is just another gold digger advocacy post but it couldn’t be any different.
I do not advocate for gold diggers and I believe in women going out there and working hard for what they desire in life and not just waiting for men who will provide for them. Actually the more you achieve for yourself as a woman makes the man your with appreciate you more as he understands that with or without him, you won’t melt or change and your life will ultimately resume normalcy after you get through the initial heartbreak.
So if men like hardworking women who do not need the 100% financial support of an infant, why then should we women settle for men who have achieved far less than we have. My advice to all my friends and enemies alike is as a woman to date up so as to avoid the heartache of an unappreciative man in your future. This kind of man who is a few steps ahead of you either financially, career wise or in your education will maintain a healthy relationship as he provides motivation for you to want to be more and he will rarely be jealous of his woman in her accomplishments but also brag about them so as to encourage you. Such a man is genuinely happy to be with you and for you with all you do.
Why waste your good years with someone who constantly makes you pay for every activity you undertake, bills in restaurants, trips and the worst is when he constantly borrows money from you and you never get it back till you’re even left wondering if that’s the money he eventually uses when he pays for that one date he took you for. Your busy making investments in both your futures and not being a happy chap, ever seen a 30 year old woman who looks like she has 2 kids and a cheating husband at home but its only because she is supporting everyone else’s dreams except her own.
It isn’t even healthy to stress yourself that much, AS IN IS IT EVER THAT SERIOUS?
While you’re busy stressing yourself on others behalf, I’m going to be here with a man who genuinely cares for me and shows genuine interest in my opinions. And if he isn’t in your life yet, why go out looking for him. Women need to believe that God has a plan for us all, and loneliness is not an excuse for making the wrong choices for ourselves in the name of love.
OK I’M DONE…FINAL THOUGHT THOUGH, GUN TO YOUR HEAD WHICH LEVEL ARE YOU ON AND ARE YOU A REACHER OR A SETTLER?